Virtually Living

I’m sure many of you saw and have heard about the story of the woman who murdered her ‘husband’s avatar on Maple Story because earlier he had divorced her. Apparently being dumped by her online spouse was too much rejection for this bride-zilla to handle and she sought revenge by having him banned, effectively snuffing him out.

What is going on here people? How did this even make the news? How is it that our dysfunctional relationship baggage is now running amok in the land of bits and bytes?

The simple and poignant answer is because we’re human beings and we bring our relationship patterns, good or bad, everywhere we go. What showed up online was merely a digital extension of the crazy antics that these two lovebirds engage in within their real lives. The principle “how we do one thing, is how we do everything,” is what is at play here.

As human beings we’re creatures of habit and we tend to want to control our lives to reduce the level of chaos we experience. Over the course of our lives we develop ways of doing things, behaviours that serve to reduce the amount of pain we experience. Some of us run away, some of us tell secrets, some of us argue, others lie and cheat, and most of us seek to distract ourselves from a reality which is too difficult or challenging and, where we don’t feel great about who we are.

Enter the world of avatars. A world where I can create a version of me imbued with all of the ‘powers’ and abilities that I believe will make me a better me. My avatar can say and do things I wouldn’t be comfortable doing or saying in-person; my avatar can live a life that I believe for me is un-believable.

What screws with this idyllic picture however, is our unconscious; that nasty hitchhiker in our minds who actually does the driving of our life. Our unconscious is conditioned to respond in certain ways to help us avoid pain – whether that pain be real or imagined; reality or virtual. And this is why a host of problems or dysfunctions are now showing up in the virtual world.

I think this is only the beginning. In the next few years we’re going to see through our avatars all of the dysfunction that we bring to our real world relationships. Personally, I believe this is a good thing for humanity, as it will lead to us waking up our whole brains to the ways we behave. Once the whole brain is awake and attentive to what I am doing it suddenly realizes the insanity of myself and seeks to change it.

Then what is virtual becomes reality. What was once an escape now becomes the best therapy tool we’ve ever created. So here’s to more online divorce, murder, infidelity, and violent crime. Let yourselves go wild people. Play out all of your fantasies; desires and hurts through your avatars so they are no longer hidden in your mind and let the insane chaos of your unconscious reveal itself. Healing is just a click away.

4 Powerful Questions Every Man Asks Himself

In my experience of working with men, the principal distinction which separates a man from a boy is a man's willingness to ask himself difficult and powerful questions.  It is the truest measure of masculinity and maturity; deep self-inquiry.  Asking powerful questions leads a man towards powerful conversations with himself and others and ultimately lands him at a place of solid, indisputable knowing of who he is as a man and what he stands for.  

So many men shirk from deep inquiry as if it's the realm of metrosexuals, celebrities, or even worse,...women.  Thankfully, for men who abandon the process of finding out who they really are, the universe provides an abundance of 'wake-up calls,' which are designed to stop them in their tracks and ask, perhaps for the first time, who the hell am I?  Personally, I'd rather ask myself a challenging question or have a trusted friend give me some straight feedback about me as a man, than have a near death experience, or lose a loved one before I get the importance of my life.

So, in my view, here are 4 powerful questions every Man asks himself.

1. What does love mean to me?

2. Am I living my life out of my deepest fear?

3. Which value would I defend with my life?

4. What is my ego's fatal flaw?

A powerful man clothes himself in the truth of who he is and moves forward in the world by taking steps which deepen his awareness and builds his self worth.  He impacts and leads others by knowing that he only has control over himself.

If The Choice was Hillary or Sarah - How Would Men Vote?

It's an interesting question really.  Given the choice between the intellectual, worldly, business-friendly Hillary Clinton or 'the common woman,' soccer mom of Sarah Palin, which woman would most men choose to vote for?  Clearly the RNC are hopeful that the popular female vote will create a tidal surge towards Palin, while the Democrats, choosing Biden over Clinton, remain convinced that international experience on the ticket will lead to a win.  

I'm confident, for the most part, that our world is no longer in a quandary around whether women make powerful leaders.  So the question is which brand of woman politician really appeals to men.  If men were to choose solely based on their powers of reason, I believe Hillary Clinton is the obvious choice.  Any man can imagine her sitting at the head of a boardroom table, or standing at a podium at the United Nations General Assembly.  However, like Mary Tyler Moore's icy character in 'Ordinary People,' or Sigourney Weaver's dis-interested and distant character in 'Ice Storm," this brand of feminine is not the type of woman a man wants to open up his heart and share his soul. 

This is the brilliance of Sarah Palin.  She's tough, yet nurturing, scrappy and loving, she can change a diaper, lead a pep rally and shake hands with the leaders of the G8. And that's why I think there will be many men in Middle America who in November will see her as an asset on the Republican ticket.  Sarah Palin is reflective of their own wives, sisters, and yes, the most powerful female role model in their lives, Mom.

The Penis Dialogues

What is it with men and our penises.  This thing which takes up space between our legs is equally our best friend, confidant, secret lover, idol, and the root of much of our shame and egoic behaviours.  Men can be "no apologies necessary," dicks, all cock and balls as it were penetrating the world with bravado and waving this erected sense of ourselves around like Darth Vader's light sabre, (note the helmet);  or we can be pillars of strength and vitality spreading our love in a money-shot of abundance.  Men have strongly identified themselves with their organ and, interestingly enough, women have distanced themselves from theirs.  

Suffice it to say gentlemen, that you have what you have and it's what you will always have.  And the sooner we all accept this dangling reality we, and the rest of the planet will be a much happier place.  

Here's a challenge.  Taking a page from Eve Ensler's The Vagina Monologues, write an ode to your penis and feel free to post it here.

btw, according to a top Urologist in Toronto - Red Korean Ginseng is the only 'natural' product out there with the proven effect of sustaining an erection.

Now the question becomes, what do you choose to do with it?