This is where I write about the experiences I have as a counselor working with men. I'm honest and passionate about helping men to believe in themselves and discover the inspiring man inside.
This is an excerpt of a reading which a client recently forwarded to me - keep this with you
A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks, and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - Enough! Enough fighting and crying or
struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, you blink back your tears, and through a mantle of wet lashes, you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You
realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that your partner, if you have one,
isn't perfect. In the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter), and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you; and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are.... that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself; and in the process a sense of newfound confidence is born of self-approval.
You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, and that not everyone will always be there for you; and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own, and to take care of yourself; and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you
really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with; and in the process you learn to go
with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing; and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.
You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries, and learn to say NO. Then you learn about love, romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away.
You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more attractive, more intelligent, more lovable or more important because of the partner by your side or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect; and you won't settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with loving caresses...and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen.
Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself; and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever, settle for less than your heart's desire.
And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand. You take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want
to live as best you can. Faith is daring the soul to go beyond what the eyes can see.
This is your awakening....enjoy life!
My boyfriend’s feet are gross. His toenails are long and dirty and his feet smell. I ask him to take better care of himself but he gets angry and tells me to let him be a man – is this true? Are men really like this?
Yes, some men are like this and while they may pretend or even protest that their shoddy physical appearance is okay and perhaps more manly – they know the real truth they just don’t care. It’s not important to them and that is why they pay little attention to the issue. Remember, nothing gets in between a man and something or someone he wants. So if a guy has a blind spot in his personality or appearance it’s because he has taken his focus off of it. I’ve worked with many guys who pay great attention to their personal appearance and very little to other aspects of their lives. I’ve also met men who have success, great relationships, even their health and yet, their toenails are claws or they have fur growing out of their nose and ears.
Any guy who tells you that walking around like a Wookie makes him manlier is hoping you buy his weak excuse for a lack of focus and leave him alone. By shining a light on your boyfriend’s toes you are effectively telling him in his mind that he has a flaw. Generally men are not so good at hearing that they have flaws because many of us are doing our best to be flawless hence in vulnerable. So the best defense against being weak is to come up with a story that said behaviour is in fact manlier. It’s a pretty thin defense if you ask me and one which makes the man appear frail in character. I wish more guys would stand in the heat of the spotlight more often because they would learn something key about relationships with women. Women like to leave a man better than when they found him. So a woman who takes the time to lovingly suggest ways in which a guy can transform himself is actually grooming that man to be his best. Deep down no woman wants to be in a relationship with a man she can’t show off. So she spends a lot of her relationship focus nudging him to change. As a rule, when men get together we tend to pay less attention to how another guy looks or smells rather, we measure a guy by his commitment to values like honesty, trust, accountability, courage and kindness.
Your boyfriend is feeding you a line about his toes and in the process is proving that he is still a boy at heart. So, I guess you have a choice. Put up with it or, make it a deal-breaker. How the two of you deal with this though will set the tone for how you both navigate the difficult issues and problems that true intimacy will bring.