Smelly Feet and The Men Who Own Them

My boyfriend’s feet are gross. His toenails are long and dirty and his feet smell. I ask him to take better care of himself but he gets angry and tells me to let him be a man – is this true? Are men really like this?

H.M. Calgary

Yes, some men are like this and while they may pretend or even protest that their shoddy physical appearance is okay and perhaps more manly – they know the real truth they just don’t care. It’s not important to them and that is why they pay little attention to the issue. Remember, nothing gets in between a man and something or someone he wants. So if a guy has a blind spot in his personality or appearance it’s because he has taken his focus off of it. I’ve worked with many guys who pay great attention to their personal appearance and very little to other aspects of their lives. I’ve also met men who have success, great relationships, even their health and yet, their toenails are claws or they have fur growing out of their nose and ears.

Any guy who tells you that walking around like a Wookie makes him manlier is hoping you buy his weak excuse for a lack of focus and leave him alone. By shining a light on your boyfriend’s toes you are effectively telling him in his mind that he has a flaw. Generally men are not so good at hearing that they have flaws because many of us are doing our best to be flawless hence in vulnerable. So the best defense against being weak is to come up with a story that said behaviour is in fact manlier. It’s a pretty thin defense if you ask me and one which makes the man appear frail in character. I wish more guys would stand in the heat of the spotlight more often because they would learn something key about relationships with women. Women like to leave a man better than when they found him. So a woman who takes the time to lovingly suggest ways in which a guy can transform himself is actually grooming that man to be his best. Deep down no woman wants to be in a relationship with a man she can’t show off. So she spends a lot of her relationship focus nudging him to change. As a rule, when men get together we tend to pay less attention to how another guy looks or smells rather, we measure a guy by his commitment to values like honesty, trust, accountability, courage and kindness.

Your boyfriend is feeding you a line about his toes and in the process is proving that he is still a boy at heart. So, I guess you have a choice. Put up with it or, make it a deal-breaker. How the two of you deal with this though will set the tone for how you both navigate the difficult issues and problems that true intimacy will bring.