He's 28, She Just Turned 18, Is It Normal?

" My son who is 28 is dating a girl who just turned 18, and I want to know if this is normal. I think she is too young for him and I’m concerned that he may be seeing her just for sex." J.W. Ottawa,

A lot of guys would believe that your son has hit the proverbial jackpot. And if your son and his girlfriend were ten, or even twenty years older the age difference between them would likely be irrelevant. It’s a truism that as men and women age the gaps in terms of life experience become less pronounced such that by the time we’re in our senior years five, even ten years in age spread becomes meaningless.

However, in our teens and early twenties significant growth and life experience takes place and even a relatively small amount of years between two people is quite substantial. A man in his late twenties is in a completely different phase of his life than a woman in her late teens. And while, physically and sexually there may be few differences between the two, mentally and emotionally there are major life moments separating the couple. A man in his late twenties likely has experienced one or two serious, monogamous relationships and at least one heart-smashing breakup. He has also likely made the transition from dependency to independency, (though recent studies suggest this is not so), and, by now, he is beginning to know who he is and what he wants out of his life.

So, is it normal? Increasingly yes. There are many new relationships that have this dynamic of older man, younger woman, primarily because men are not maturing emotionally at the same pace as they were even one generation ago. Women meanwhile are maturing at a faster pace than previously creating a fertile ground for this type of relationship to develop. Meaning, if you are right J.W., and your son is seeing this young woman just for sex; I suspect she is aware of this and at some level has agreed that that is what their relationship is all about. That is unless he is a master manipulator and is pretending to be a committed boyfriend just for the sex. If the relationship is on the up and up, they will act and behave like a couple especially to their friends, family and in public. If this is a sexual relationship for your son then his behaviour will be all about keeping his young girlfriend a secret. In life, you have to trust what people do as the truest indicator of what they really believe and feel.

Is Her Boyfriend Cheap? GuyExpert Answers The Question

Dale,

Here’s my issue, I think I have a cheap, or maybe even shallow boyfriend. In October 2008, our first Christmas, I got him a pair of sunglasses ($200) among other things, and he got me a synthetic necklace and pendant that I cannot wear due to nickel/metal allergies. His birthday, I got him a pair of gold earrings ($100) and for my birthday, he got me bath products. Christmas 2009, I got him a bottle of cologne ($100) and an official Olympic Sweater ($60). He got me more bath supplies, (which is virtually useless since I shower, I don’t take baths). Yesterday was my birthday and he got me a synthetic necklace and pendant with a CZ crystal - which I cannot wear. I’ve spent good time, money getting what I feel are “perfect” gifts for him, and I just don’t feel that I am getting the same treatment in return. I don’t want to bring it up to him in fear that I may hurt his feelings but moreover I don’t want to come off as shallow - but is he cheap or am I just shallow?

B.C., Vancouver

Your boyfriend may be cheap and/or shallow, and you may be shallow, to use your words. It’s hard to determine from one note. Interesting though that you’re keeping a balance sheet on the gift giving, which I’ll come to in a moment. So in order to determine whether your boyfriend is a serial cheapskate we have to look at how and what he gives other people who are also close to him, and how he spends on himself. Let me ask you a question; how is your boyfriend when it comes to gifts for others, like family and friends and how is he when it comes to spending money on himself? Gifts are one of the five love languages by which people express, give and receive love, (the others are quality time, acts of service, words of acknowledgment, non-sexual physical touch), so they’re pretty important. If you’re man is consistently low-end gifting it’s possible that gifts are not important to him and are not one of his preferred ways of expressing love. If this is true it means that likely he is expressing love in a way that you are not tuned into. Guys are great lovers and will shower love on someone they are in love with which means if you’re not feeling love-showered, (of any kind), it’s your first clue that your man is pulling his presence out of the relationship

Back to the gift balance sheet its clear gifts are important to you. They may even be your primary love language. And keeping a running tab with your boyfriend regularly coming up on the debit side of the account is going to have you build up some resentment. So that happens here is something you can say:

"Look, (insert name), gifts are really big deals to me. If you want me to feel loved by you then I want you to make them special and I want you to put more thought, time, energy and expense into celebrating me. I feel loved when you buy me great gifts." Say this directly without apology, comparison, or argument and he'll get the point. And if he chooses to ignore what you have said directly to him, well then you have the answer to a bigger question.