He's 28, She Just Turned 18, Is It Normal?

" My son who is 28 is dating a girl who just turned 18, and I want to know if this is normal. I think she is too young for him and I’m concerned that he may be seeing her just for sex." J.W. Ottawa,

A lot of guys would believe that your son has hit the proverbial jackpot. And if your son and his girlfriend were ten, or even twenty years older the age difference between them would likely be irrelevant. It’s a truism that as men and women age the gaps in terms of life experience become less pronounced such that by the time we’re in our senior years five, even ten years in age spread becomes meaningless.

However, in our teens and early twenties significant growth and life experience takes place and even a relatively small amount of years between two people is quite substantial. A man in his late twenties is in a completely different phase of his life than a woman in her late teens. And while, physically and sexually there may be few differences between the two, mentally and emotionally there are major life moments separating the couple. A man in his late twenties likely has experienced one or two serious, monogamous relationships and at least one heart-smashing breakup. He has also likely made the transition from dependency to independency, (though recent studies suggest this is not so), and, by now, he is beginning to know who he is and what he wants out of his life.

So, is it normal? Increasingly yes. There are many new relationships that have this dynamic of older man, younger woman, primarily because men are not maturing emotionally at the same pace as they were even one generation ago. Women meanwhile are maturing at a faster pace than previously creating a fertile ground for this type of relationship to develop. Meaning, if you are right J.W., and your son is seeing this young woman just for sex; I suspect she is aware of this and at some level has agreed that that is what their relationship is all about. That is unless he is a master manipulator and is pretending to be a committed boyfriend just for the sex. If the relationship is on the up and up, they will act and behave like a couple especially to their friends, family and in public. If this is a sexual relationship for your son then his behaviour will be all about keeping his young girlfriend a secret. In life, you have to trust what people do as the truest indicator of what they really believe and feel.