JUDGMENT DAY

It’s inevitable. There are going to be guys you like and guys who piss you off. If you’re like most men you’ll avoid the guys you don’t like because being around them makes you feel very uncomfortable. And in doing so you’ll shrink away from one of the most powerful learning experiences you can have in your life. I’ve said it before in this column; learning is not supposed to be pleasant, it can be, but often the lessons which really stick with us are the ones that have come with some pain.

What is a judgment anyway?

When I interpret another man’s actions or words as meaning something, regardless of whether that meaning is something painful or comfortable then I am forming a judgment about him. My judgments are nothing more than my interpretations. And because my interpretations belong to me my judgments are always based on my own experiences.

Simply put I can only see in another man what I can also recognize in myself, or as one program puts it: “If you can spot it, you got it.” So if I judge that a guy is direct, honest, and a good friend, it’s because I can see those qualities in myself reflected back by the guy in front of me. Conversely, if I judge a guy as a douche I’m seeing the douche in me mirrored back at me.

Yes, the world is full of jerks and whiners, posers, and martyrs, even bullies, victims, and heroes. The truth about life is that once I go looking for something I’m likely to find a whole bunch of it. We tend to see what we want to see. If I judge the world as uncaring and harsh – I’m likely holding some of that energy myself and projecting it out onto everyone else. Try this experiment: For one day, count the number of red Miatas you see. I guarantee you by the end of the day you’ll believe that everyone drives a red Miata.

So to bring this all back to judgments; if everyone is a mirror of me then what I don’t like about me, what I can’t stand to look at, will likely cause me great pain and strife when I see it reflected back to me by another. This is how judgments become a learning opportunity. If I have the courage to look beneath what I don’t like about another person I can learn a lot about my judgments of myself.

Remember judgments are nothing more than thoughts, which over time have become stories, and further stories which, with more time, have become beliefs. You’re beliefs about yourself are nothing more than stories. And if you’re going to tell yourself a story you might as well tell yourself one that makes you feel good.

Given that we’re approaching a global time of goodwill and peace, I’m asking you to take one day in the next twelve, and make it Judgment Day; a day where you look at all of your judgments of others and make peace with how you see yourself.